imagine my feeling right now.
it's like my mind is jumbled into a mixture of
what can i say
decisions?
worries of the possible consequences if i dsa?
negative thoughts?
fear and worries are conquering my heart.
you could say that i was almost helpless.
i was rather paranoid when i was told that tomorrow we will be sending out our dsa forms.
luckily,
it is postpone to friday.

this few days,
i have been considering about dsa thingy.
i told myself i could handle this.
as ive always been.
sometimes i wish i could really rely on someone.
however, i guess it's just not the time yet.
moreover, it takes time to find my umm prince charming?
ahh.
whatever.
i shouldnt be thinking of this right now.
i guess too much of dreaming isnt helping.
should i blame it on those novels?
ahas.

speaking of novels,
goodbye ruby tuesday is an enjoyable novel.
it's so good that i got the urge to complete it
which surprisingly i almost did.
i read up till 5plus in the morning on umm considered tuesday.
it has unexpected events in between
and beautiful morals which ended with a happy ending.
somehow it taught me a lot of things in life.
communications does play an important part in relationships.
not only in BGR but also in kinship.
the way how human misinterpret their body language with one and other.
and the way they'd protect themselves from getting hurt.
all these are described amazingly in the novel.
there are still lot of things i'd love to typed out
but, well.
back to dsa.
-weak smile-

dsa to me.
is scary thing.
im afraid of the result!
you could bet that im almost freaking out right now!
it's like.
im a NA student.
with not promising results.
flexibility?
compared to the jc-ians,
i felt useless.
-i know, i've said comparing is odious. but what can i do? no one ever gave up comparing!-
furthermore,
they'd have to look at my application form before allowing me to the auditions.
which im very afraid of.
seriously.
BUT even if i able to get it to auditions,
i'll be afraid of the next stage.
and if finally i got a place in that school
which i doubt alot so.
i will be worrying about my future school life in school.
will i get discriminate?
or will i not cope well?
AND if im not able to get in even to the audition stage.
i bet i will cry my heart out and accept the fact
that i am not up to their expectations and work harder for Os
so as to prove that i can make it with my academics.
-which i dont have much confident too-
MAN, im contradicting again!
pardon me.
i have never ending worries!
i think the main thing is,
im afraid of being alone!
of dancing solo or interview by the unfamiliarised faces.
or maybe even the journey to the school.
SIGGGHHH
i feel like as if im going to have a heart attack real soon.

this dsa thingy made me have insomnia.
plus it has made my life not fulfilling
as ive been just plainly thinking of the positive
but mostly negative consequences of dsa.

if you think im a panicing freak or some kind of idiots who are worrying for nothing,
then please get lost.
im different from you.
however, i dont mind sensible comments.
thank you.
and
GOODBYE.

P.S despite of feeling rather unstable.
i have to say.
I LOVE DUMPLINGS!

fly me away with you,
to the furthest end of the world.
where there would only be me and me
enjoying the carefree life.